12.12.2008

HERE WE ARE...FACE TO FACE...

UGH I DON'T GET THIS THING!!

I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT PEOPLE. 

THERE ARE SOME IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD. MODERN PEOPLE. GAY PEOPLE. I WANTED TO LEARN. I WANTED TO TEACH! I WAS GOING TO PUT THIS ALL ON PAPER BUT MORE AND MORE I'M REALIZING THAT I'M YOUNG, I'M TOTALLY, LIKE, THIS GENERATION. THE NOW GENERATION. SO I CAN'T DEAL! SO THIS IS WILL BE THE MAGAZINE? WHO WANTS TO FLIP PAGES ANYMORE ANYWAY? I CAN BARELY READ I USUALLY ONLY READ MAGS TO LOOK AT THE PICTURES AND BECAUSE THEY LOOK CHIC BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I'M ABOUT TO FART OUT THE GAY ELLE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT ANYTIME SOON (CONDE NAST WON'T RETURN MY CALLS THOUGH I AM A FAITHFUL SUBSCRIBER :-( ) BUT ALAS WRITING IS MY PASSION WORDS JUST SPIT OUT OF ME. SO HERE IT IS. 

I WANNA TALK ABOUT IMPORTANT PEOPLE!!!!! NAMELY: UnStOppAbLe

IN HER OWN WORDS:

"Im very proud to call myself Gay, because with that word comes other adjectives like smart, funny, and cuute."






























NOW THIS IS AN INDIVIDUAL! I FOUND UNSTOPPABLE ON MYSPACE THROUGH ANOTHER YOUNG VISIONARY, SHAWNZE TOXIC (THAT'S ANOTHER STORY ENTIRELY), AND WAS INSTANTLY HOOKED ON HER PROSE, HER LOOK, HER CONFIDENCE. I READ HER THING SO MUCH! SO COOL. I JUST THINK A PERSON LIKE THIS SHOULD GET THE ATTENTION THEY DESERVE. SHE IS A YOUNG, IMPORTANT DANCER AND WRITER.
"There are few things that may mean nothing to you but mean the world to me like, Diet Coke, Sour Punch Straws, Doritos, PB&J's, Water, Sushi, and Pop Tarts."

RIGHT? THE OBVIOUS VISIONARY CHOICE IN THIS SELECTION IS: WATER. SIMPLICITY. HUMILITY. GRATITUDE FOR SOMETHING WE ALL TAKE FOR GRANTED! WHAT'S A WORLD WITHOUT WATER? ANSWER: A WORLD WITHOUT PEE.

THE OTHER THING IS THAT HE IS ACTUALLY ATTRACTIVE? LET'S PUSH ASIDE THE SHAVING (A CAPTION ON A PICTURE CLARIFIES THAT YES, SHE DOES SHAVE, BUT IT'S JUST DARK IN THE ROOM, CUZ HE IS LIKE ALWAYS SHOWING THE PUBIC AREA?), THIS IS ONE OF THOSE SITUATIONS WHERE THE SHEER FACT THAT I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO THIS PERSON WOULD MAKE FOOLING WITH THEM ACTUALLY SUPER HOT? YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? IT'S LIKE, SOMETIMES I GET BORED AND I'M LIKE WOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY BORED, SO IT'S ENJOYABLE? IT'S LIKE SOMETIMES I'LL GOOGLE "REALLY SMALL DICK" OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT BECAUSE THE FACT THAT IT'S NOT SOMETHING I LIKE TURNS ME ON. THAT'S HOW IT IS FOR ME FOOLING WITH TEENAGERS! OR SHAVED PUBES FOR THAT MATTER!

ONE NIGHT I WAS DRUG-BINGEING WITH THIS WEIRD COKEY KLEPTO 19-YEAR-OLD HOTTIE WHO BROUGHT OVER THIS BUTCH QUEEN STRAIGHT 30-SOMETHING DUDE WHO'D JUST GOTTEN OUT OF JAIL, THEY MET WORKING AS PARKING ATTENDANTS AT A STADIUM, LIKE, MODEL HOT BUT VERY SHORT, AND SHIFTY EYES, AND KEPT MAKING ME LISTEN TO SCREAMO OR SOMETHING. BUT ANYWAY. A CATCH! SO I GOT THE TEEN TO LEAVE THE ROOM (SO HE COULD RIFLE THROUGH MY HOUSE AND STEAL FROM ME! OOPS! THE PRICE WE PAY...) AND STARTED MACKING WITH JOSHAGETTI (I THOUGHT HE WAS ITALIAN BUT TURNS OUT HE WAS MEXICAN SO JOSHADILLA I GUESS) HE PULLED OUT HIS FUCKED UP DICK. SHORT, ROCK HARD, WITH BALLS LIKE A PRICKLY FIG, TINY, TIGHT, ALMOST SCARRED? AND YOU KNOW WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA BLOW A STRAIGHT DUDE AND THEN HE SPREADS 'EM AND PUTS HIS BUTT IN THE AIR AND STARTS MOANING? WHY DOES THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? I CAN'T COMPLAIN EXCEPT FOR I WAS SO HOPPED UP THAT THERE WAS NO BONER AND WHEN I PUT A PINK IN THE STINK THERE WAS DEFINITELY A HARD TURD WAITING JUST INSIDE THE DOOR. SO THAT WAS CUTE. SO I MANAGED TO GET A CONDOM ON MY GUY WHO WAS JUST NOT TUNING IN THAT NIGHT, KEPT TRYING TO GET IT HARD AND ENDED UP CUMMING COMPLETELY SOFT INTO THE CONDOM. THIS IS WHY METH IS A BAD DRUG! IT DOES WEIRD THINGS TO YOU. THE OTHER THING IS THAT THEY CUT IT UP ON THIS MIRROR IN MY ROOM AND IT SUDDENLY WAS GRAY AND I WAS LIKE FOR REAL THAT WAS A DUSTY MIRROR. SO JUST A PERFECT NIGHT. AND JAIL BIRD WAS SO SHAVED! I FORGOT TO SAY. AND HE ASKED ME TO SHAVE FOR THE NEXT TIME WE GOT TOGETHER WHICH THANKFULLY DIDN'T HAPPEN. NOT EVEN SHAVED THOUGH HE WAS STUBBLY. AND HE WAS NERVOUS FOR THE TEEN TO FIND OUT THAT HE WAS GAY BUT THE TEEN IS SOOO GAY SO IT WAS JUST SORT OF LIKE THIS UNFORTUNATE ROMEO AND JULIET STAR-CROSSED LOVE THING THAT I HAPPENED TO TRIP INTO. OH YEAH I SAW NORBIT EARLIER IN THE NIGHT. SO GOOD.

TV NEWS: BAD GIRLS CLUB ON OXYGEN! TALK ABOUT A BREATH OF FRESH AIR. "LOOK AT YOU YOU'RE NASTY SCOTT! YOU'RE 26 YEARS OLD AND YOU LIVE WITH YOUR F*CK PARENTS! YOUR PAST EX-GFS LOOK LIKE MY F*CK TOE JAM! REAL COOL YOU WORK AT A BAR!" SHE'S READING HIM ON THE PHONE AND THEN HE SAYS "I WANNA GIVE A SHOUT OUT TO MY BOY STEVE RIGHT NOW." AND SHE SAYS "THAT'S NOT GONNA BE AIRED." ISN'T THAT ONE OF LIFE'S WEIRD PARADOXES? AND THE PHONE BTW THE CRADLE IS PINK FUR AND THE RECEIVER IS SILVER GLITTER BUBBLE PLASTIC? 

SOMEBODY HAD TO DESIGN THAT.

WHAT I'M VIBING RIGHT NOW:





XOXO,
ALEXIS

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