12.15.2008

SOMETIMES, THINGS MEAN STUFF

I WASN'T GONNA BRING IT UP, BUT SINCE U ASKED:

MY TOP 10 FAVE LUBES:

1. SWISS NAVY - SMELLS NICE AND LUBEY, BUT NOT TOO MUCH. AND IT'S SILICONE-BASED, SO IT WORKS REAL GOOD WITH PRE-CUM (IF YOUR MAN IS FANCY ENOUGH TO MAKE THAT SHIT)

2. SPIT - THINK OF THAT TENT SCENE IN BROKEBACK WHEN ALL MY CINEMATIC DREAMS CAME TRUE

3. PRE-CUM - I DON'T KNOW. I'M PRETTY SURE I'VE SEEN IT AND IT WORKED GOOD, BUT SOMETIMES I STILL THINK IT'S AN URBAN LEGEND

4. GHEE - THAT TIME I DATED AN INDIAN GUY? YES, IT SMELLED LIKE CURRY. AND YES, HIS PARENTS HAD HELLA THIS SHIT IN THEIR KITCHEN

5. POOP - IT'S LIKE THAT SEINFELD WHERE THEY BITCH ABOUT GOIN' TO A PARTY, AND THE HOST GIVES EVERYONE A JOB. (JERRY: "I GOT JIGGY WITH IT!") I MEAN, IT'S GONNA BE HANGIN' OUT ANYWAY, MIGHT AS WELL PUT IT TO WORK

6. PEE - JUST SMEAR THE TINK ON YOUR CHEST DOWN, AROUND, AND IN. EASY PEASY, NO NEED TO RUIN THE MOOD BY GETTING UP TO HUNT FOR THE EXPENSIVE STUFF

7. BARF - WHAT? YOU DON'T KNOW, I MIGHT STILL HAVE A GAG REFLEX

8. POPEYE'S GRAVY - DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT STRAINING THE CAJUN MEAT CHUNKS, EITHER. JUST PRETEND YOU'RE USING A CONDOM (?) WITH RIBBING AND WARMING LUBE

9. BLOOD - I KNOW, RIGHT? THAT REALLY BRINGS ME BACK

10. THE TEARS OF A CHILD - I WASN'T REALLY ON BOARD WITH THIS ONE EITHER, 'TIL THIS VAGUELY ETHNIC GUY PUSHED A SAMPLE ON ME AT COSTCO. BUT LEAVE IT TO THOSE GUYS TO HAVE THEIR FINGERS ON THE PULSE OF THE BULK-BUYING GAY MALE!

IDEAS? SUGGESTIONS? CONCERNS? QUERIES? THINGS? STUFF? WORDS?

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