3.15.2009

LOVE PAINZ, AKA BI BOIZ

IF I WERE STRAIGHT I'D BE BI. AT LEAST. FOR REAL.

SO LIKE, HE BRINGS A BOTTLE OF MEAD AND A BAG OF COKE TO MY PARTY, THERE'S YOUR SIGN, RIGHT? BUT AFTER PASSING OUT ON THE TOILET FOR AN HOUR, PLAYING SPIN THE BOTTLE WITH A BUNCH OF GARAGE DUDES, WATCHING SOME WEIRD BITCHES DRESSED LIKE ANNIE HALL DO CRYSTAL HEALING, I WAS LIKE HORNY AS FUCK BUT ALSO BEING REALISTIC. LIKE, I GAVE HIM THE EYEZ, I WAS TRYING TO WORK MY MAGIC. BUT I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS JUST NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. HE WAS STUMBLING AROUND LIKE TOO HARD, NOT DRUNK LIKE "OOH I WANNA GET BLOWN BY A DUDE, MAYBE", MORE DRUNK LIKE HE WENT OVER TO THE BLUE GLASS BOTTLE I USE TO WATER MY PLANTS (IT'S CHIC) AND STARTED CHUGGING EVEN AFTER I TOLD HIM IT WAS FULL OF MIRACLE GROW! AND THEN HE BASICALLY FELL OUT OF MY ROOM AND, I THOUGHT, OUT OF MY LIFE.

UNTIL 30 MINUTES LATER, MY HAIRDRESSER (AKA MY BOYFRIEND) AND I ARE WITH OUR THREE-WAY BACK-UP PLAN, AND LO AND BEHOLD, STRAIGHT DUDE COMES STUMBLING BACK IN. BUT LIKE, WE'RE THREE NAKED QUEENS WITH BONERS,WE WERE NOT TRYING TO WATCH HIM HANG OUT AND BE COOL IN HIS JEAN JACKET WHILE WE 3WAYED, SO BF JUST FLAT OUT SAYS, "YOU CAN'T BE IN HERE IN CLOTHES."

AND IT WAS OVER! HIS PANTS COME OFF AND HE LEANS RIGHT BACK INTO OUR LITTLE CRADLE OF FILTH. THIS DUDE WAS DOWN! I MEAN DOWN. LIKE, I WANNA BE DOWN, WITH WHAT YOU'RE GOIN' THROUGH. HE WAS NAKED, WITH A BONER, GAGGIN' ON DICK IN NO-TIME, 69'ING, MOANING, GROANING, AND BEFORE THE NIGHT WAS OVER HE WAS SHOOTING HIS LOAD FROM A HAND JOB WITH A LIME-GREEN MANICURE (ME, DUH) WITH MY BF'S DICK UP HIS ASS AND BACK-UP'S DICK IN HIS MOUTH! I'M LIKE IS ANYBODY REAL ANYMORE? I THINK MOTHER NATURE HAS HAD IT WITH BEING PENETRATED BY MAN'S COLLECTIVE PHALLUS. LIKE, EVERY GUY JUST WENT BI.

OH, AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID AFTER?! CUZ YOU KNOW IT HURT HIM MORE THAN A LITTLE. HEAD LOLLED BACK, SWEATY, BIG SMILE ON THE FACE, HE SAYS, "NOW I KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR EVERY GIRL I EVER DID THAT TO."

YOU HAVE GOT. TO BE KIDDING ME. HE WOULDN'T SLEEP OVER, AND WHEN I ASKED FOR HIS NUMBER HE GAVE ME HIS ADDRESS? I THINK THAT'S AN INVITATION.

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN GUYS CAN'T RESIST THE BINDI!


AND YES, I DID PERP THE MYSPACE AND MAKE A BLINGEE, NO SHAME. AND JUST TO DRIVE THIS POINT HOME...

2 comments:

  1. omg i love this story..................... did he wince in pain when u put it in his bunghole

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  2. he totally was like "ow!" a bunch and then started mooooooaning!!!

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