5.16.2009

CELEBRITY CRUSH: MAX HODGES

OH YAH! ALSO, SOMETHING I'VE BEEN SITTING ON FOR AWHILE (NOT LITERALLY, BUT UNGH... A GIRL CAN DREAM):

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THOSE DREAMY EYES, THAT GREASY HAIR, THE SLACK-JAWED MOUTH-BREATHING ALL BELONG TO MY NEW CELEB(ISH) CRUSH, MAX HODGES.

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HE'S A REPORTER FOR TMZ. HE'S LIKE A MAJOR HUBBA HUBBA, RITE?? I GOT TIRED OF JACKING OFF TO HIM TALKING ABOUT SALMA HAYEK'S BOOBS ON THE TV SHOW, SO I GOOGLED HIM AND FOUND ALL THESE SEXY PIX.

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AND I ALSO FOUND THIS FANSITE . I GUESS IT'S PROLLY, LIKE, TONGUE-IN-CHEEK, BUT I'M OVER THAT AND TAKE EVERYTHING THAT'S SEXY 100% SERIOUS FROM NOW ON. PEOPLE CAN WRITE IN STORIES OF THEIR OWN PERSONAL MAX-SIGHTINGS. LIKE, SOME BITCH TALKS ABOUT SEEING HIM IN HER DENTIST'S OFFICE ("THIS GUY'S A TALL, HEALTHY, DREAMBOAT IF I EVER MET ONE!") OH, AND THEY DO A TMZ STORY COUNT, WHERE THEY COUNT HOW MANY TIMES EACH REPORTER GETS TO TALK ON THE TV SHOW. MAX ALWAYS WINS!

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MY FAVE DISCOVERY IS THIS LIL' GEM OF WISDOM STRAIGHT FROM MAX HIMSELF:

"THE GREAT THIS ABOUT BEING GAY IS NO ONE EXPECTS YOU TO GET MARRIED, SO YOU CAN GO AROUND AND SCREW EVERYBODY. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'D WANT TO GET MARRIED IF YOU'RE GAY. YOU GET TO SCREW EVERYBODY YOU WANT."

FINALLY, SOMEBODY REALLY GETS ME!

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