7.10.2009

LEMON DIET DAY 4: "LUNGS. LUNGS."

NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL MUSIC!!!!! I HAVE SOO MUCH ENERGY!!!!

This morning, my butt made such scary and loud burblez 'n gurglez I thought I was D-Y-I-N-G. Seriously, it sounded like back-o'-the-class fat guys armpit farting in 80s movies!! Since I’m a woman of the 90s, it took me until today to prepare the drink for myself, and I put way too much cayenne pepper in, but slurped it down anyway, sneezing and weeping through it and shivering at the thought of what that’s going to feel like splattering violently out of my asshole tomorrow morning!!!!

I'm hanging out at Borders reading about 2012 because I had a fucking horrific apocalypse dream last night. I’d like to blame the cleanse, but I’m pretty sure it was a prophecy. On the way here, we had to walk past a bunch of restaurants around dinnertime, which was torturous. But we’re going to go home (cab, probably) now and marvel some more at how skinny we are (HIGH SCHOOL WEIGHT, I'M COMIN' TO GITCHA!!!!!!!!!).

Plus, I really fucking have to leave, because I can’t stop looking at the sandwich selection in the shitty “Seattle’s Best” cafĂ© here. The puffy, white-bread, limp cheese and saggy Carl Buddig-esque deli meat abomination that I normally would have sneered at now makes me want to flash my tits and push them against the display case just like in one of my favorite rap music videos of yesteryear!!!!

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