7.12.2009

LEMON DIET DAY 6: "Q: AM I SHITTING RIGHT NOW? A: IT'S REALLY ANYBODY'S GUESS""

Somehow, some way, my shits are becoming more solid and plentiful?!? The neon yellow mucus stuff has given way to still-gross but more familiar, more diarrheal horrors (yes, traditional diarrhea is SOLID compared to what cleanse-butt usually produces). I got very little sleep due to my throat closing maybe due to allergies, maybe due to smoking withdrawal –either way I couldn’t take any pills/chemicals for it. I gargled salt water and had some mint tea instead, which actually worked wonders.

Skipped the salt water flush today because I was already shitting my brains out--you know it's bad when you pee in the shower and realize AFTER THE FACT that you were actually pooping the whole time as well, WITHOUT EVEN FEELING IT. My ass-hole is on the loose...literally! (Now I know how Alexis feels every weekend...HI-YOOHH!!!) (j/k!!) (but not)

Needless to say, since that incident I've been a ball of anxiety and nervous energy. Pam also left town, and I realized how truly awful this cleanse is if no one is sharing in your pain…or making and bringing fresh drinks to you whenever you ask. To cope with the depression and boredom, I took about eight typo-laden quizzes on Facebook, got raging pissed when the results didn't truly capture my essence, spent another hour looking at orange people from my high school and feeling TRUE ENVY, then stared at a box of tomato soup in my cupboard for about seven minutes straight. I’m now having a coughing fit and am planning to stick a fork in this motherfucker (the day) in about ten minutes. It’s 8:30pm.

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