8.13.2009

JULY 09 - A NIGHTMARE IN PICTURES

EVERY TIME I LOOK AT PICTURES OF THE WAY I DRESS IN PUBLIC I'M LIKE, SERIOUSLY, HOW DO I GET LAID? DO I HIT ON PEOPLE WHO AREN'T TOO SUPERFICIAL TO SEE PAST THE JARRING "THE SCREAM"-BY-VAN-GOGH DRAG OR IS EVERYONE I SCAM ON JUST REALLY WASTED? YOU BE THE JUDGE AMERICA!!! AND SPEAKING OF AMERICA, THESE FIRST FEW ARE ENTITLED:

"SAN FRANCISCO: THE FACE OF POPPERS (GAY PRIDE YA'LL HAPPY 4TH!)"





WE WENT TO THIS SEX SHOP IN THE CASTRO JONESIN' FOR POPPERS (I THINK A LOT OF GOOD STORIES MUST START THIS WAY) AND ASKED THIS QUEEN WHICH WAS THE BEST KIND AND THEN SHE DID SOME WITH US, NEVER BREAKING OUT OF THIS "CHRIS KATTAN AS MANGO" LATIN VOICE, SO FUNNY. (FOR THE RECORD, SHE RECOMMENDS RUSH BUT AFTER A FEW BOTTLES OF RUSH HAVE RUSHED BY, I'VE NOW MOVED ONTO JUNGLE JUICE AS MY POPPERS-AU-COURANT, BUT MAYBE THAT'S JUST BECAUSE THIS GUY GAVE ME A FREE BOTTLE...WHATEVS. REASONS!)




OK THESE ARE THE MOST INSANE PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET. THE LIZA MINNELLI LOOKING ONE LITERALLY HAD THE GAIT AND DEMEANOR OF A PUPPET FROM "THE DARK CRYSTAL," SHE WAS SO NUTS. THEY'RE FROM AUSTRALIA OR NEW ZEALAND, CAN'T REMEMBER, THEY'RE BFFS BUT *NOT* BFS, LIZA FREAKED WHEN I GOT MY CAMERA OUT (KNOWING I HAD TO AT LEAST TRY TO CAPTURE HER REPTILIAN ESSENCE ON FILM BUT IT DIDN'T QUITE WORK OUT BUT YOU GET THE PICTURE RIGHT? NUTS...) AND WHIPPED OUT A HUGE BRUSH AND FEVERISHLY STARTED BRUSHING HER HAIR, WHICH MUST BE THE CONSISTENCY OF BURNT STRAW. THEY WERE REALLY AMAZING IT WAS A REALLY WEIRD INTERACTION I WAS HAPPY NOBODY ELSE I WAS WITH GOT IT?!







FOR THE RECORD, DAD AND I HOOKED UP WITH A 20 YEAR OLD ON THIS NIGHT AND NO HE WASN'T BLIND.






GUESS WHICH ONE OF THESE IS *NOT* ONE OF MY PRODUCERS. OK JK THEY ALL ARE.






TRIPLE R YA'LL! PEACE I'M OUT.

1 comment:

  1. you look like lulu from wild at heart in the tenth picture.

    ReplyDelete