8.20.2009

A MILLION TINY PIECES

I GUESS I TOOK A LOT OF PICTURES THESE PAST TWO WEEKS WHICH IS LUCKY FOR ME BECAUSE I DEFINITELY DON'T REMEMBER IT ALL. ANYWAY...

(CLICK TO MAKE 'EM BIG, YA'LL)

FIRST IS MY AMAZING COWORKER/IDOL SHERRY JEAN, SHE'S WORKED AT THE RESTAURANT SINCE 1980, SHE HAS AN IRISH ACCENT, GREW UP IN PITTSBURGH, PA, IS A TOTAL DRUNK, LIKES TO SHOW OFF HER BOOBS, ALWAYS WEARS LOW-CUT DRESSES, LEGGINGS AND APRONS ALL ACCESSORIZED IN THE SAME PATTERN (AND TRIES TO GET THE REST OF US WAITRESSES TO GO ALONG WITH IT: WE HAVE LEOPARD DAY, WESTERN DAY, POLKA DOTS, ETC. SO COOL!), COLLECTS VINTAGE APRONS AND CURATES THEM AS A ROTATING INSTALLATION ON THE WALLS OF THE CAFE (HER, ON A LADDER, HORRIFYING), AND SHE'S FULL OF AMAZING APHORISMS, "STICK A FORK IN ME, I'M DONE!" "MARRIAGE? IT'S THE TWO F'S: FUCK 'EM AND FEED 'EM!" "GET OFF THA CROSS WE NEED THE WOOD!" BASICALLY THE TOTAL PACKAGE. MOST OF THE TIME I LOOK AT HER AND JUST BURST INTO LAUGHING UNTIL I CRY. I'M OBSESSED WITH HER!!! I LOVE YOU GIRL! SHE ACTUALLY JUST CALLED ME AS I'M TYPING THIS! TO TELL ME SHE FOUND A WHITE FUR JORDACHE (??!) COAT IN HER CLOSET, "AND, OH FUCK, I KNEW MY LITTLE DRAG QUEEN HAS HER NAME ALL OVER IT!" AND SHE'S BRINGING IT TO WORK FOR ME TOMORROW! SEE?! GENIUS! (BTW I LOVE JORDACHE! I HAVE A CHILD'S BLACK BLAZER FROM THEM THAT FITS ME LIKE A DREAM!)


AND THIS IS MY IDEAL BOYFRIEND, AUGUSTIN. HE'S MEXICAN AND REALLY HOT (OBVIOUSLY) AND FUNNY, LOVES GAYS, LIVES WITH HIS GF AND LIKE A MILLION PEOPLE IN A TINY APARTMENT IN A SKETCHY AREA, I WENT TO HIS HOUSE AND HAD TO PHOTO HIM THERE BECAUSE HE DECORATED IT SO CUTE AND IS SO PROUD OF IT! GOD I WANT HIM SO BAD!


THIS IS ONE NIGHT AT THE HOT BOXXX GIRLS REVUE AT AUNT CHARLISE, THESE GIRLS ARE FUCKING NUTS. THIS FIRST BITCH IS VICKI MARLENE, SHE IS LITERALLY 75, THEY JUST MADE A MOVIE ABOUT HER I GUESS, SHE'S TOTALLY INSANE AND HONESTLY IS KIND OF A BITCH, BUT IF YOU'RE 75 AND STILL DOING CREEPING AROUND LIP SYNCHING TO CELINE DION THEN YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT, IN MY BOOK...THEY'RE ALL PRETTY MAJOR THOUGH. I LOVE THAT PLACE.














"BACK STAGE" AT THE STUD. SUP FREAKS?


AKA CUNT.

ANOTHER IDOL OF MINE, SCOUT, THE MOST AMAZING CHICK I'VE EVER MET! ALWAYS DOWN TO DO TONS OF POPPERS WITH ME UNTIL WE BOTH HAVE HEAD ACHES.

KRUSTY, YOU MAY REC THIS LITTLE CREEP FROM HARLEM.

WHEN MY PRODUCERS FORCED ME INTO GOING TO AN ASIAN HIP-HOP BAR IN NORTH BEACH THAT WE SOMEHOW GOT ON THE GUEST LIST FOR. THAT'S A FISH TANK BEHIND ME. THE PLASTIC SURGERY ON THE GIRLS THERE WAS SERIOUSLY OUT OF THIS WORLD IT WAS LIKE I WAS LOOKING AT CGI!

RUSSIAN RIVER RESORT, DUH, AKA HOME.








GROSS THINGS I'VE FOUND IN MY KITCHEN. LIVING WITH DUDES IS COOL.




MY INSANE PAL LULU, PLAYING WITH TERRAN TRAUMANTICS.

SO I ALWAYS TALK SHIT ON THE GAY BARS IN SAN FRANCISCO BUT THERE IS ACTUALLY A REALLY AMAZING ONE I JUST FOUND OUT CALLED DECO LOUNGE, IT'S TOTALLY PERFECT, THEY HAD THIS WET JOCK STRAP CONTEST SO OF COURSE I WAS FRONT AND CENTER YA'LL.























UGH K.

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