10.12.2009

COLD REALITY

YOU KNOW THE WALGREENS MACHINE DIDN'T SCAN ALL OF MY NEGATIVES ON THIS ROLL? SO I HAD TO TAKE THEM IN WITH THE ONES CIRCLED THAT I NEEDED REPRINTED (DOWN-LOW IN HIS DRAWERS WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE -- WHEN THAT PIC WAS ABSENT I KNEW SOMETHING WASN'T RIGHT!) HOW EMBARRASSING. THEY HATE ME THERE I THINK (AS WELL THEY SHOULD). NOW I AM GOING TO GO THROUGH ALL OF MY NEGATIVES (LIKE, HUNDREDS?!) SO MAYBE A "LOST PICTURE" COLLECTION WILL BE FORTHCOMING. YOU KNOW I HAD THIS DREAM THAT WE LIVED IN THIS GRECO-ROMAN VERSION OF A BEVERLY HILLS SUBDIVISION AND MILEY CYRUS WAS OUR NEIGHBOR AND WE WOULD GO TO THIS HUGE COLLISEUM TO PARTY AND PUT ON DRAG SHOWS AND MY WORLD OF WARCRAFT FRIEND ALLEN SHOWED UP WITH HIS MOM BUT HE WAS AN 18 YEAR OLD HEART THROB (HE'S NOT) AND SAID THAT HE WOULD PROBABLY LET ME SUCK HIS DICK! GOD IT WAS THE BEST DREAM...WHY AM I AWAKE....?! HM...PRETTY MUCH ANY DAY I WAKE UP AND I'M NOT SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN I'M PISSED.



SO...I GOT THIS REALLY SWEET GIG GO-GO DANCING IN THE CASTRO ONE NIGHT (I DID IT IN A WEDDING GOWN!) AND WAS BRAGGING TO DOWN-LOW (SEE BELOW) HOW GOOD OF MONEY IT WAS AND SOMEHOW I TRICKED HIM INTO DOING LAUNDRY AT MY HOUSE, UNDRESSING IN MY ROOM IN FRONT OF ME AND POSING FOR A PICTURE SO THAT I COULD "SEND IT TO MY FRIEND WHO BOOKS THE DANCERS," HAHAHA, I MEAN ... I THOUGHT HE WAS ONLY COMING OVER TO FUCK? I MEAN WHO REALLY DOES LAUNDRY AT SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE? OH YEAH A HOMELESS DUDE WHO CARRIES HIS BELONGINGS AROUND IN A HUGE KNAP-SACK 24/7 EVEN WHEN HE'S OUT AT THE CLUB. BUT HE WASN'T HAVING IT? EVEN THOUGH I ANSWERED THE DOOR IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WE HUNG OUT IN MY BED SMOKING WEED WHILE HE BRAGGED ABOUT HIS DICK AND HOW MANY GIRLS WANT IT? LIKE, YOU REALLY JUST CAME OVER TO DO LAUNDRY AND TELL ME HOW YOU WOULD "NEVER SLEEP WITH A GUY BECAUSE IT WOULD BETRAY WHAT I STAND FOR, I MEAN, I'M A METROSEXUAL WHO CARES ABOUT FASHION, SO, LIKE, PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THAT NOT ALL FASHIONABLE GUYS FUCK OTHER GUYS." GENIUS...MADDENING. AT LEAST I GOT THIS PICTURE OUT OF IT.




JESSICA FROM NYC. THERE. ARE. NO. WORDS.






RIGHT?! SHE IS SO MAJOR. ALSO, DID YOU KNOW I HOOKED UP WITH A DUDE THAT NIGHT? IN THAT OUTFIT? THE SAD FACT IS IF YOUR TASTE LEVEL ALLOWS YOU TO HOOK UP WITH DUDES IN PINK SILK SLIP DRESSES THEN I WILL BASICALLY HAVE YOU NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE. I'M SUCH A SUCKER FOR THAT.


I LOVE TO EMPTY MY COIN PURSE INTO THE HAND OF A HOTTIE!





HAHA I DID IT FOR HIM, TOO. I LOVE HOT STREET DUDES!



THIS WAS MACKENZIE PHILIPS?! I SWEAR TO GOD. SHE TOTTERS OVER IN HER GEM BLAZER AND DIAMOND BRACELET AND READING GLASSES AND I THINK, "HM, WHY IS SOME WEIRD MOM WANDERING AROUND THE TENDERLOIN?" UNTIL SHE OPENS HER MOUTH AND STARTS TO CHANNEL THE WHINIEST, MOST WASTEDEST-ON-WHAT-I-HAVE-NO-IDEA (PCP?!) LITTLE DEMON VOICE AT US ABOUT, "...MY DAAAAAAD?! HE WAS A GRRRREAT......DRIVER....NOBODY DRIVE LIKE HIM.....I REALLY MISSS HIIIIIM...IS THAT CRAZY??!!!" ALL THE WHILE TEARS STREAMING DOWN HER FACE (FOR A GOOD 30 MINUTES) AND SHE KEPT TRYING TO KISS MYLES ON THE LIPS (SHE SUCCEEDED TWICE HAHAHA). IT WAS COOL.







JAVIER AKA ME OF THE FUTURE?!

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