12.10.2009

IT'S BARBIE, BITCH

NOW, I'M A HUGE FAN OF FEMALE RAP. A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO I MADE A LIST OF ALL THE GIRLS I KNEW AND THERE WERE OVER 700 (AND I KNOW MORE NOW), SO JUST BE AWARE THAT I AM GOING INTO THIS WITH ALL THE PASSION AND HUNGER OF PAULA DEAN. I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT NICKI MINAJ.

IT'S KIND OF RELEVANT AS SHE SEEMS TO BE GENERATING A PRETTY BIG BUZZ RIGHT NOW, BUT TO BE HONEST I HAVE BEEN DOING THE SAME TALK AT EVERYONE IN MY LIFE FOR THE LAST YEAR AND A HALF.

WELL LET'S START EARLY, LIKE 2007, WHEN SHE WAS DOING STUFF LIKE THIS



FIRST OF ALL, LET'S BE HONEST, LIL' KIM IS A HOT MESS NOWADAYS. ANYONE WHO DOES A SONG REFERENCING MYSPACE IN 2009 NEEDS TO POWER DOWN, FOR GOOD. I MUCH PREFER NICKI, EVEN IF SHE HAS UGLY ASS NAILS AND NO FRINGE AT THIS POINT.

AH I WAS GOING TO DO MORE BACKGROUND BUT I REALLY WANT TO SKIP TO WHAT SHE'S DOING NOW, I'M LAZY AND ENTHUSIASTIC AT THE SAME TIME. SHE DOES THESE CRAZY BRITISH ACCENTS AND WEIRD PRONUNCIATIONS AND HILARIOUS PUNS AND BLOODY THRILLING AD LIBS, AND SHE'S FUCKING FUNNY!



AND NOW SHE IS SUPER POPULAR WITH LOADS OF GIRLS, WHO SHE CALLS HARAJUKU BARBIES (WHICH IS A LAME ASS NAME BUT I'M USED TO IT NOW) AND THEY HAVE A WHOLE SECRET LANGUAGE (I'M A KEN BARBIE) CONTAINED IN HER NICTIONARY. SHE HAS JUST GONE FULLY GIRLED OUT, WHICH IS PRETTY RISKY FOR A RAPPER, BUT IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE SOMEHOW. MAYBE BECAUSE SHE SLIPS IN STUFF LIKE "I BE YELLIN' FUCK 'EM WITH A DILDO SIGN"



SHE'S SO NUTS AND SHOUTS ALL THE TIME





PLUS OH MY GOD SHE'S SUPER CUTE AND I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S ACTUALLY A LESBIAN. SHE KEEPS SAYING SHE DOESN'T LIKE BOYS AND ONLY LIKES GIRLS IN HER INTERVIEWS. SHE SAYS BOYS ARE SMELLY. AND SHE DOESN'T DRINK!

MY GOD I LIVE FOR HER.

1 comment:

  1. "my flow is stupid, wheel chair bound" GOOD LINE

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