12.01.2009

YOU MAKE MY DAY

SO I'VE BEEN LIKE SUPER BUMMED OUT LATELY BECAUSE I HATE THE WINTER AND I AM CONSTANTLY CONVINCED I'M SICK BUT NEVER ACTUALLY AM, AND BOY DRAMAZ AND ALL THAT OTHER SHIT AND ANYWAYS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS "YUCK I'M DEPRESSED, HOW DO I SNAP OUT OF IT SO I CAN WRITE CUTE STUFF HERE INSTEAD OF THIS BULLSHIT?" WELL I'LL TELL YOU HOW I'M GONNA SNAP OUT OF IT-

FIRST: I'M GOING TO DRINK AT LEAST HALF A BOTTLE OF RED WINE, I'M SUPER INTO THE 2009 BEAUJOLAIS NOUVEAU. THIS ONE HAS SUCH A PRETTY BOTTLE AND IS ONLY 8 BUCKS AND IS REALLY DELICIOUS
NEXT ON MY LIST OF THINGS THAT WILL KEEP ME FROM JUMPING OFF MY ROOF IS KATE BUSH, ESPECIALLY THIS VIDEO OF "WUTHERING HEIGHTS" SYNCED UP TO ZAC EFRON'S STIRRINGLY EMOTIONAL AND FAGGY ARMED PERFORMANCE OF "BET ON IT" FROM HSM2, MY FAVORITE OF THE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICALS.

THE THIRD THING KEEPING ME ALIVE IS GAY MOVIES ON NETFLIX ON DEMAND! I LOVE GAY MOVIES BECAUSE THE "GOOD" ONES ARE LIKE LIFETIME ORIGINAL MOVIE QUALITY, AND THEY JUST GO DOWNHILL FROM THERE, AND THEY HAVE THE WEIRDEST SENSES OF HUMOR. THEY'RE ALL SAPPY-SWEET AND CLICHE-RIDDEN, BUT THEY ALSO HAVE AWKWARD FISTING JOKES AND SOFT CORE SEX SCENES. OOH AND THE SOUNDTRACKS ARE ALWAYS SOOO AWFUL, LIKE BAD DANCE MUSIC SUNG BY PORN STARS AND STUPID COFFEE HOUSE BALLADS. THEY HAVE SOMETHING FOR (gay) EVERYONE! THE ONE I WATCHED LAST NIGHT WAS REALLY CLASSIC, A HOLIDAY THEMED FILM CALLED MAKE THE YULETIDE GAY! IT STARS MARCO FROM DEGRASSI! AND THE PARENTS HAVE MINNESOTA ACCENTS AND SWEDISH/MINNESOTA NAMES EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE IS WEARING T-SHIRTS AT CHRISTMAS AND IT'S SO CLEAR THAT THIS MOVIE WAS FILMED IN CALIFORNIA. HERE'S THE TRAILER FOR "THIS SOON-TO-BE HOLIDAY CLASSIC"

KELLY KEATON (who?) REALLY DOES GIVE THE PERFORMANCE OF A LIFETIME AS THE MOM.

THE FINAL REASON I HAVEN'T STUCK MY HEAD IN THE OVEN IS THAT I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE THEATRICAL RELEASE OF YOU MAKE MY DAY ACCORDING TO THE OFFICIAL DEVELOPMENT WEBSITE, "You Make My Day is an epic, musical, romantic adventure
in production, set in a mystical island kingdom where horses reign and birds keep watch." IT IS THE BRAINCHILD OF "EMMY AWARD WINNING COMPOSER MICHAEL J. LEWIS" AND IT IS GOING TO CHANGE MY LIFE. THE LITTLE TEASER CLIP BELOW ALREADY HAS ACTUALLY. PLEASE GO TO THE WEBSITE AND READ THE PLOT DESCRIPTIONS, AND THEN PRESSURE ALL YOUR BIG MOVIE STUDIO FRIENDS TO GET THIS MOVIE MADE! THE STORY OF ARI AND PRINCESS TEHANI AND THE WISE OWL DELPHINIUS AND THEIR BATTLE AGAINST THE EVIL MIASMA MUST BE TOLD! THIS MOVIE IS GOING TO BE BETTER THAN "PRECIOUS." I THINK. SERIOUSLY WATCH THIS SHIT, LIKE ZACH BRAFF TO NATALIE PORTMAN IN THAT P.O.S. GARDEN STATE BULLSHIT, I AM TELLING YOU THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!


also keeping me alive: amateur porn

5 comments:

  1. hahaha ZAC what a genius whoever made that

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  2. Your therapist is IN! First, get some Ben & Jerry's, the stuff is like crack. Next, new shoes! Last, hold a door open for an old lady. Feel better kid!

    Bill's in the mail...

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  3. I completely independently downloaded Make The Yuletide Gay the other week! But I have yet to watch it. I TOTES WILL NOW THOUGH.

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