2.27.2010

OH, HI. (AWKWARD SILENCE)

OMG SORRY, U GUYS! I HAVEN'T CONTRIBUTED ANYTHING TO SORE MAGAZINE (AKA THE INTERNET'S BLOODY SKIDMARK) FOR, LIKE, A MINUTE. I WAS JUST THINKING, I MAY AS WELL POST SOMETHING NEW NOW, BEFORE ONE OF THOSE EARTHQUAKES OR WHATEVER HITS THE MIDWEST AND SHAKES THE DICK OUTTA MY MOUTH FOR GOOD.

UM...?

OH! OKAY, SO, LIKE, HERE'S A COUPLA MY MAJOR TRENDING TOPICS GOING INTO S/S 2010:

-KAEL! I'VE HAD SOME BAD EXPERIENCES WITH WALGREENS "CERTIFIED PHOTO SPECIALISTS" BEFORE (I'M LOOKING AT YOU, MR. GODDAMN PIERRE), BUT IT'S LIKE KAEL (PRONOUNCED KYLE) HAS MADE IT HIS PERSONAL MISSION TO TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE AGAIN. HE'S THIS, LIKE, 19YO BLACK TWINK (BLINK?) DREAMBOAT WHO'S BEEN DOIN' MY ROLLS (TEE-HEE) FOR ABOUT 3 MONTHS NOW. HE'S ACTUALLY REALLY SHITTY AT HIS JOB (HE CAN NOT LOAD FILM IN A CAMERA TO SAVE HIS FREAKING LIFE!) BUT I COULDN'T GIVE A GOOD GODDAMN. HE WINKS AT ME, HE GIGGLES WHEN I CALL HIM "KYLIE", HE DON'T CRINGE OR CALL HIS MANAGER WHEN I DESPERATELY STROKE HIS FINGERS AS HE HANDS MY CHANGE TO ME. LADIES, THIS IS CUSTOMER SERVICE. ACTUALLY, UM, HELLO, WE'RE PRETTY MUCH DATING! ANYWAY, IF YOU ARE EVER IN LENEXA, KANSAS, KAEL'S SCARILY PERFECT ASS AND POOR-TO-MEDIOCRE PHOTO TECH SKILLS ARE A TOURIST ATTRACTION NOT TO PASS UP.

-JEDWARD! OKAY, I KNOW THESE DIVAS ARE KIND OF OLD NEWS, BUT MY TWINK-TANK HAS BEEN PRETTY OVERFLOWING THE PAST FEW MONTHS, WHAT WITH TAYTAY LAUTNER TURNING 18, PERCY JACKSON COMING OUT, TONY FROM SKINS PLAYING GAY IN THAT OLD MAN MOVIE, IDOL AUDITIONS (OH HAAAAY, TIM URBAN), ETC ETC. JOHN AND EDWARD ALMOST GOT AWAY, BUT NOT SO FAST, BOYS. I KNOW THEY'RE GETTING A LOT OF ATTENTION FOR THEIR MASH-UP (EWW I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST USED THAT WORD) OF "UNDER PRESSURE" AND "ICE ICE BABY", BUT THE PERFORMANCE THAT REALLY GOT UP MY BUTT AND WIGGLED WAS THEIR COVER OF "OOPS I DID IT AGAIN."



(THE PART AT 1:02 KILLS ME. AND I KNOW THE VIDEO IS WEIRD AND OFF-CENTER, JUST CLICK ON IT AND WATCH IT ON YOUTUBE.)

OH, AND I'M REALLY FEELING THEIR TWITTER, TOO. THEY LOVE TO POST #JEDWARDPICS OF EACH OTHER SLEEPING, DANCING, SUCKING FACE WITH MIRRORS, AND JUMPING (I'VE GOT TO HAND IT TO THEM, JEDWARD ARE MORE ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT THE SIMPLE ACT OF JUMPING THAN MOST RETARDED CHILDREN HALF THEIR AGE.) SOME HIGHLIGHTS:




1 comment:

  1. Jedward. wtf! so cool. GOD I WANT A TWIN!!! I bet he'd be lying in bed with my right now.

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