4.25.2010

A CUB'S LIFE

HEY Y'ALL, SO I KNOW WE DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER VERY WELL YET, BUT I JUST GOTTA SPILL MY GUTS TO YOU ABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT. OOF, WHAT A WEEKEND. STUMBLING OUT OF YOUR FRIEND'S HOUSE INTO THE CRUEL BLUE DAWN AT 6 AM AFTER BLOWING COKE ALL NIGHT AND DRINKING "ANCIENT AGE" IS NEVER A GOOD LOOK. BUT I DIGRESS.

SO, A COUPLE NIGHTS AGO I WAS JUST HANGING AT HOME, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, DRINKING SOME BEERS. JUST ANOTHER LONELY THURSDAY NIGHT, YOU KNOW? SO 1AM ROLLS AROUND, AND I'M KIND OF OVER ANY HOPES OF GETTING SOME DICK FOR THE EVENING, BUT I'M LIKE, "OK, OK, FUCK IT, IMMA GO OUT ON PRINCIPLE ALONE." YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE, RIGHT? SO, DUH, I HEAD DOWN TO NEON, LAWRENCE, KS' MOST INFAMOUS THURSDAY NIGHT HOTSPOT FOR UNDERAGE COLLEGE BITCHES AND ALL THE TWINKS TRYING TO GET THEIR RED BULL AND VODKA ON. I STROLL IN LIKE 45 MINUTES BEFORE LAST CALL, AND MY GIRL'S SPINNING TRACKS FOR THE TWEAKERS ON THE DANCE FLOOR, MY OTHER GIRLS ARE WORKING THE BAR. SO I BELLY UP AND ORDER A SHOT OF TEQUILA AND KIND OF NOTICE THIS DRUNK DUDE OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE, SPOUTING OFF TO SOMEONE ABOUT GOD KNOWS WHAT. AND I'M LIKE, OH GREAT, ANOTHER HOT WASTED STRAIGHT DUDE. SO THEN HE SITS DOWN NEXT TO ME, AND HE HAS LIKE THREE DRINKS IN FRONT OF HIM, THAT HE MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE PAID FOR. AND HE'S FUCKING HOT. TALL, BURLY, SCRUFFY, BIG HANDS. WEARING CAMOUFLAGE PANTS, A LOWES T-SHIRT, AND A SWEATY BASEBALL CAP NO LESS. PRETTY SOON HE'S TALKING ABOUT TRANNIES AND GAY SHIT AND LIKE, PUTTING HIS ARM AROUND ME AND GETTING REALLY FRIENDLY. I'M THINKING, "IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?" AND OF COURSE I FUCKING SEIZE THE OPPORTUNITY RIGHT THEN AND THERE. OH, AND THE BEST PART, HE'S A 27-YEAR-OLD GAY CONSTRUCTION WORKER MARRIED TO A WOMAN AND LIVES IN A SMALL TOWN ABOUT TWO HOURS AWAY. SO REAL. SO I DO MY BEST TO CATCH UP WITH HIM, AND BY LAST CALL I'M PRETTY DRUNK. WE GO TO THE BATHROOM, AND HE SHOWS ME HIS DICK. IT'S NICE AND THICK AND BASICALLY PERFECTLY DESIGNED TO FIT COMFORTABLY IN MY FIST. THE BAR'S CLOSING SO WE HEAD TOWARDS THE BACKDOOR BUT STOP TO MAKE OUT IN THE LITTLE SEEDY HALLWAY LIT BY ONE RED BULB THAT LEADS OUT TO THE ALLEYWAY. AND HE'S SUCH A FUCKING GOOD KISSER. HE PULLS DOWN HIS PANTS AND KNEELS DOWN ONTO THE DIRTY CEMENT AND STARTS SUCKING MY COCK, SLURPING AWAY AND MOANING AND THE WHOLE NINE YARDS. I'M IN HEAVEN. I TAKE HIM HOME, AND WE SMOKE WEED AND WELL, I'LL LEAVE THE REST TO YOUR IMAGINATION. I'M PRETTY SURE MY ROOMMATE HEARD HIM GOING TO TOWN ON MY DICK THE NEXT MORNING. OOPS. PRETTY MUCH THE HOTTEST FUCKING ENCOUNTER OF MY LIFE. I HOPE HE COMES BACK TO PARTY AGAIN SOON? A GIFT FROM THE UNIVERSE. THANK YOU.

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