4.30.2010

THINGS TO GET AWAY FROM ME PART 1

1. GIRLS WITH A PHONE VOICE WHICH IS ROUGHLY 5 QUARTERTONES HIGHER THAN THEIR NORMAL VOICE. ACTUALLY, NOT EVEN THAT, GIRLS WHOSE 'COLLEAGUE' PHONE VOICE IS ROUGHLY FIVE QUARTERTONES HIGHER THAN THEIR 'CUSTOMER' PHONE VOICE. AND WITH A SILLY GURGLE LIKE THEY'VE GOT THE SQUITS.

2. BBC RADIO 1. DO NOT PLAY SHITTY DRUM'N'BASS IN THE DAYTIME PLEASE, SOME OF US ARE TRYING NOT TO CRY. ALSO ALL YOUR PRESENTERS ARE STONE COLD IDIOTS, LIKE PROPER DAMAGED. FERN COTTON SEEMS LIKE A SWEET GIRL BUT I JUST WANT TO STICK A SHANK THROUGH HER STERNUM.

3. SNOBS. I'M READING PROUST AT THE MOMENT, AND FRATERNIZING WITH PUNKS, SO I'M GETTING IT FROM BOTH SIDES. BUT WHETHER ITS THE FAUBOURG SAINT GERMAIN OR THE BACKROOM OF A SEMI-DERELICT PUB, ITS COMPLETELY POINTLESS. ACTUALLY, IT MAKES MORE SENSE FOR FRENCH HIGH SOCIETY, SO I'LL JUST LEVEL THAT AT PUNKS. I SAY PUNKS I'M JUST TALKING ABOUT ONE BOY, LITTLE FUCKER. I SHOULD PROBABLY STOP BEING SO VENOMOUS TO SOMEONE I HAVEN'T EVEN TALKED TO IN MONTHS, BUT WHAT CAN I DO, I'M A VERY SPECIFIC GRUDGE HOLDER.

4. DRUGZ. I'M NOT STRAIGHT EDGE OR ANYTHING, BUT I HAVE A PROPER AVERSION TO ANYTHING STRONGER THAN TIC TACS. I THINK IT'S BECAUSE I'M A PARTY-POOPER AND TRUELY NEG AT HEART, AND IF I SEE PEOPLE HAVING FUN WITHOUT ME I FEEL ALIENATED AND PISSY. IS MY COMPANY NOT INTOXICATING ENOUGH? ONCE WHEN I WAS ABOUT 5 I WENT TO SCHOOL DRESSED AS PETER PAN AND KICKED A BOY DRESSED AS CAPTAIN HOOK, THEN WENT AND SULKED WHEN ONE OF THE OTHER KIDS CHASTISED ME, BECAUSE 'THATS WHAT PETER PAN WAS MEANT TO DO'. I GET THAT SAME FEELING WHEN I'M AROUND PEOPLE ON DRUGZ, LIKE 'NONE OF YOU UNDERSTAND ME'. DARK PATHS.

5. MY HAIR. EVERYTHING I TRY IT REJECTS, AND IT'S REALLY THIN ON THE TEMPLES.

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