November 12th
This journal marks a new phase in my life of active & ongoing occultic experiment & my first attempt at keeping a daily record of the practices & results. This new phase I kciked off Halloween night (technically Nov. 1st) early morning hours of Dia de los Muertos - naked ritual & spellcasting (sigil) in the local cemetary here in Oakland (cemetary at the Chapel of the Chimes). Since I haven't checked back in times to what the original intent of the sigil was - I don't know yet how effective it's been so far. I've been doing daily meditation, breathing, pranayam, & reading & <>ing the spiritual techniques of India - & have become a devotee of Shiva-Bhaireva-Mahakake <> & the Great God of yoga, magick & ecstasy, Lord of Death & destroyer of the universe.!

Nov. 15
1:28 am
I will now drink Eniro to put myself outside of the laws of man that I may enter into the power of magick & because division is illusion & must be reversed. then I will spend one half hour in lotus posture & practice dharana 4 of vijuanabhaireva (externaVinternal kumbhaka).

Nov. 17
3:30 pm - I will now stare at the dol in Devi's forehead (dharma 57( in the picture on my wall for as long as possible or until I'm interrupted.
4:51 pm Results: the longest I've maintain conentration on the dot, the more everything around it began to dissappear and/or shine with colored luminosity. I kept seeing Devi's face as an upside-down skull. It began to get very dark in the room & harder & harder to see & people started bothering me & I had to go to the bathroom really bad so I had to stop.

I haven't meditated in days til just now. Things have been in absolute dissarray & chaos prevails in my mind paralyzed into fear by inertia. Breaking the hold - gotta move forward...I'm feeling the weight of the years just flown by with all my mistakes like hundreds of finges slowly reaching out to wrap around my neck & stifle me out for good once & for all - gotta keep it together. Go with the flow! they say - well that's all well & good unless it's about to take you over the edge cuz your flows all fucked off. I seriously hope the no fuck no fuck hope! I don't need hope - I need to have faith in myself to switch the channel so it goes back to the ocean. Need to find the ocean. need to get back to the beginning again. This fickely old sel is about to go off - powder smell pieces calling off into nowhere. What's the <> between options & responsibilities - they were right! If you're not careful you'll catch it too...like disease it is I swear to God! stear clear my son. Do not make my mistakes! falling like hooks out of hte sky!!! the little blessings!!! It's not pssimistic it's just the way it is...you wanna be happy don't you?!! It all depends on what your'e into...if you like where you live so much you never wanna leave - if the world seems like one big bore with nowhere to go & willing to do any way then go ahead - move in with Jenny right away & pop out a few rugrats - get yourself a few cars and a dog and start saving those pennies start counting that change You're gonna need it. Anyway that belongs in a different otebook but it felt good.

Things to DO:
1.) get ibogaine (find a supplier or viable treatment provider)
2.) driver's license - get CA license back if possible or get one out of state
3.) find place to chill over the psring/summer & chill out & get healthy
4.) get Jen's pass port
5.) get pets chcked out & get proper documents for travel
6.) Fix teeth, & my parents

Business Ideas
1.)commission artist to do tantricionography & make prints to sell make website & catalog. Perhaps a tattoo artist.
2.) Get into Ibogaine business
3.) Psychadelic Adventure Tours travel tourism
4.) Open bar on beach in mexico w/live music, or just a bar in Mexico with live music
5.) Start sunglass company
6.) Comatible with #1: sell other various magickal items, herbs, botanicals, entheogens, potions

Rich dad, fag-hag, zig zag, porno mag
erudition! competition inhibition exhibition
"boots are made for walkin'"
You keep sayin' you go somethin' for me
something you call love but confess
you've been messing around where you shouldn't be messin'
now someone else is gettin' all your best
these boots...etc...

I met face to face on after the other walking up - every person I'd ever known in this life & had a long conversation with each of them. I saw that every plant - everyone every bush every tree - had a spirit that lived inside of it. Some "angelic" others "demonic" & that each one had its own form & individual personality. I was completely & without a shred or single trace of fear. I was like detached, impartial obversver, but full of wonder & curiosity. Some other time maybe I'll tell you the whole story if ever have time. its crazy what went down. But afterwards I moved out to the desert to live with my dad & became a hermit.

!List of Muy Importante!
1.) Find a place to live! And grow! with yard for Mojo & the cats!
2.) Secure enough ibogaine to make sure we never have to ever ever be strung out again.

I feel a deep spiritual affiniity with Mahendraneth. his writings are brilliant, full of uncommon humor & insight. He seems like he was a cool-ass motherfucker. Totally unpretentious and unassuming. I would be proud to carry on his tradition if you would have me. Peace & Freedom, Josh.
P.S. Lifestyle: I guess you could say I live the sort of punk rock bohemian life of a poet.

1 comment:

  1. this is my favorite entry EVER alex. EVER