My cousin is coming over today. I haven't had a member of my family in a place I've lived in over 4 years. My folks were always so weird about it, even to the point that when my mom visited San Francisco she essentially didn't leave her hotel in Fisherman's Warf and definitely didn't see my house or my job or any of that. That's fine. I'm very torn between my compulsion to seduce my male family members and my gay anti-procreation apocalypse gene orientation that makes me want to completely reject any notions of fielty whatsoever. I guess that's just another facet of the duality of being a person. Yin and yang and all that bullshit. I'm getting into this new concept though, in reference to duality, after I read this article about quantum computers, they're making them, they play on all this hypothetical technology that somehow allows 0 and 1 to also exist as 01 thereby like exponentially increasing the processing power. I'm like, if they can make a binary value exist as two things at the same time, why can't I exist as two things simultaneously? I was identifying so hard as female for a moment but now I realise that as hard as I identified as female I also identified as male. I think maybe they are the same thing...

Anyway, this kid I grew up with had the most hilarious cousins, Candy and Sherry, they were suepr tall ackward identical twin tomboys with insane buckteeth and blonde hair and freckles, kind of like that girl from the original Parent Trap, and were super crazy trashy and would get into the most insane physical fights all the time, both of them on the floor just screaming pulling hair and beating the shit out of eachother, like, constantly. Their mom was this hilarious sedentary giant woman named Ginger who spoke dryly through barely parted teeth and babysat us sometimes. Her sister, my friend's mom, was her exact opposite, a busty, bleach-blonde, super-tan Donatella-style vixen who taught aerobics and worked at the Tommy Hillfiger counter and was always in a bikini. We could do whatever we wanted there. That family ruled.

Anyway, I went to Portland, it was so beautiful! The bus ride was very intense for a lot of reasons, but the scenery breathtaking and it was very grounding to be back around real, working-class normal people, all of us crammed in that bus and sweating and farting and shit, so crazy I loved it. Portland's nice though my friends up there rule and I detoxed a little, worked on some music. I wanna see more of this weird country now. I do love the normals, I'm like, what would I have been like if my parents hadn't raised me gay? Family. Phew.

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